In this blog post Dr Bill Price looks at ‘wholeness’ or the concept of ‘being whole’, and what that means in life and love.
Something I often hear people talking about, as an executive coach and neuroplastician is the concept of being whole. It is also a topic that is prolific in romantic movies… People tend to feel whole when they meet their true love. Or they say they have lost a part of themselves when they go through a divorce or separation as well. Despite these common uses, being whole has more to do with yourself than your romantic interest, spouse or any other person for that matter.
In fact, the definition of being whole is ‘a thing that is complete in and of itself’. Therefore, you can feel whole without being dependent on someone else to fill in any missing parts.
This is not always easy to accept. From early on in our lives, we are taught that other people influence our wholeness and that people’s opinions and expectations of us are very important. Some of us may even struggle to accept love due to our individual issues.
We spend our days trying so hard to be perfect that we actually lose some of ourselves in the process. So what does being whole mean, if it doesn’t depend on anyone else?
Being whole is being happy in your own skin
Being whole means to be ourselves and to believe in oneself. You don’t feel the need to change everything about yourself or hide your passions to fit in. You don’t believe that you are too full of problems to be loved and instead realise that no one is perfect.
The biggest factor in being whole is being healthy. Not just physically healthy, but mentally and spiritually as well. If we are lacking in spirituality, or have poor mental health due to anxiety or stress, we will struggle with being whole.
Anger, worries, and fears that we hold on to are things that cause us to lose some of our wholeness. With everything we try to carry and every hidden burden we bear, we have to drop a part of ourselves in order to carry it.
I often remind people on the importance of meditation. It allows you to look into yourself, and find what you are missing to make yourself whole. You can focus on positive thoughts and put down some of your stresses and worries.
Eating healthy is another great way to facilitate being whole and is a great sign that we are in the process of being our best selves. When people eat too much and focus on unhealthy foods like sugar in abundance, it is usually a sign that they are trying to fill in something that is missing with food.
Substance abuse is another great example of this. When people aren’t whole, they will turn to harmful practices in the hope of filling the void. So by being able to avoid temptations and practice mindful habits, you can show that you are not missing any part of yourself that needs a temporary fix.
When you finally feel whole, you will feel fulfilled and complete. People that often describe themselves as a shell or a ghost of a person, are people that are missing a lot of themselves and are far away from feeling whole.
To be complete, you have to find a balance between your mental, physical and spiritual self. If even one of these is slipping, it can make you feel like everything is falling apart. You can’t focus only on spirituality and hope the rest will follow, or exercise until you can’t walk and hope that your mental health improves as well. Each piece must be nurtured with care and patience to become the best self you can be and to really, truly be whole.
Also read: 5 tips to heal trauma in your life or past relationships
